A Satanic Grimoire, WritBound in Skin, and Lots of Tasty Recipes!

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The Corporate Manifesto of Gastronomie D’Enfer

We published this gastronomic grimoire because we’re sick of the usual bullshit food magazines. They suck: recipes flatulently proclaiming themselves to be “the ONLY fill-in-the-blank you EVER need” or “THE. BEST. WHATEVER. EVER.” with the buffoonish gravitas of a mulletted slacker extolling the virtues of nunchucks. The four-page ads for antidepressants and dick pills and luxury SUV’s are a bore. And the brash young chef those chumps drool over can’t possibly afford the $2500 ten-inch chef’s knife that they’re pimping on the page opposite his pictorial.

And why, in the age of the internet, that series of tubes which funnels the world’s supply of porn and conspiracy theories straight to your brain, would we publish a print-only magazine? Because: fuck you, that’s why. Gastronomie D’Enfer is a handcrafted item, and as such it’s meant to be held, to be touched, to be torn apart. Much like your mom. We don’t publish advertisements, because once you take a guy’s money you’ve got to suck his cock. Besides, as anyone who’s ever done it knows, writing obviously isn’t about the money. It’s about fucking shit up, just like Jean-Paul Marat.

Gastronomie D’Enfer is a quarterly zine. It is published every June, September, December, and March. Yearly subscriptions can be published here, or copies can be purchased at the following places:

Dot’s Butcher & Deli
94A Pike St
Seattle, WA

Kurt Farm Shop
1424 11th Ave Suite C-2
Seattle, WA

Lloyd Martin
1525 Queen Anne Ave N
Seattle, WA

Porkchop & Co
5451 Leary Ave NW
Seattle, WA

Admiral Bird
2600 California Ave SW
Seattle, WA

Third Place Books
17171 Bothell Way NE
Lake Forest Park, WA

Il Corvo Pasta Studio
240 2nd Ave S
Seattle, WA

  • I saw a post from a chef friend of mine that made me laugh so hard. It was something from your magazine. So, naturally I forwarded the photo to my girlfriend who laughed. So hard. The chain of laughter continued. Just so happens my link of restaurant friends live here in LA: a place where ridiculous food trends give birth and often times grow up to be pretentious teenagers.
    Is it possible to physically call someone on the phone and order backlogs in addition to subscribing?
    Thanks so much for a wonderful belly-splitting laugh. I almost spilled my beer.
    Your chef,

  • Your zine sucks, it’s the same hack foodie shit you take pot shots at with an added layer of in your face ironic racism and sexism. Which is to say you’ll probably be fairly successful.

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